May. 1st, 2005

milliways_sawyer: (Woe.)
On his way out the door to head down to the bar, Sawyer tapes the letter from Jaina on the top right corner of his mirror. It wouldn't hurt to be reminded every so often.

... well, it might hurt, but it's still a good idea.

Sawyer,
I don’t know what to write here. There’s so much I want to say and talk to you about, and I don’t know where to begin. I’m not the politician in the family. I’m not the empath. I’m the reckless pilot whose only real skill is being good at getting herself and those around her killed. So if this sounds strange, it’s cause I don’t know how to deal with this and I don’t know what to say.

I think you know by now that I like you, more than just in a friendly manner. I didn’t mean to fall for you and I didn’t want to. Kriffing hells, you’re a bigger scoundrel than Durron! But there was something in the way you acted, something in what I sensed about your past. I figured that you, more than any other sentient in the bar, could understand me and know what it’s like to have a dark past that you’re still running from deep inside.

I was wrong and it’s no one else’s fault but my own. Hey, it’s my destiny, right? To live a life alone, to lack peace? Sithspawn, if there was ever one moment when I was truly at peace here, Sawyer, it was when I was lying next to you at night. But I don’t deserve peace. No. I have to pay for my mistakes, and this is how.

Thanks, at the very least, for those few moments of happiness. I told Claire when we talked that I’d be willing to die for you if it ever came down to it. I still am.

I just wish the feelings weren’t so one sided.

You’re a conman. Well, bravo, excellent con. You made me think that there was a remote possibility that you liked me back in a way that was more than friendly. Congratulations, you duped a Jedi. I hope you enjoyed it.

Take care of yourself, Sawyer. I guess that’s what your best at.

Love, Jaina.

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James "Sawyer" Ford

February 2006

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